Friday, May 27, 2011
New life, New blog
hey kiddos....So a lot has changed and I felt it was time to start blogging again, but time to start fresh and new with it. If you care to keep up with my ramblings, please come see me at "Life In MY Lane". Click on the title of this post and it will tak you right to it! See ya there (hopefully!)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Things I'm Not Ashamed Of
As if you care, but in case you do, now you know that I am not ashamed of.....
1. Having partied myself out of college the first time. I enjoyed the mess out of my 20's, and learned a ton about life. Like - a glass of water, 2 Advil and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best way to ward off a hangover. Poison Control told me that. Why was I talking to poison control? I was in my 20's. It was a girl's night. Put two and two together and I'm sure you will figure it out.
2. Keeping my head in the books the SECOND time around. I graduated with honors. Of course the day after I graduated I couldn't figure out how to get the paper towel roll on the holder....but hey...I graduated...WITH HONORS.
3. Being 32 and having the most bizarre phobias known to man. Let's see...there's the Easter Bunny, cruise ships, and anyone dressed up in a costume where you can't see their face. If you've ever been to a college football game with me, or to the mall during the holidays, you have been privy to the spectacle I become. If you have not witnessed it.....oh boy...it's something to write home about, that's for sure. I will just tell you this, it involves hyperventilating, raging panic, possibly some pants peeing, tears, and maybe a scream or two. I kid you not. It's epic.
4. Putting my daughter first in all that I do. Even though it meant making the tough decision to become a single mom, some things are just necessary. It's tough, but ummm...wasn't Wonder Woman a single mom? Isn't that how she got her name? If she wasn't, she is now.
5. Acting a complete ASS at the risk of others pointing and laughing. I could care less what that 21 year old Lady Gaga wannabe thinks of me as I robot dance to the beat. Or challenge the cutest boy in the club to an old skool dance off. I will roger rabbit all OVER that ass, and dare her to say somethin'..Life is much too short to be so serious all the time...hell, to be so serious even 50% of the time...sometimes (and some people) just need to loosen up...do the hustle in Target...up and down the aisles...and then running man through the check out...it's really fun!
6. Telling other people's kids that are acting a hot mess in restaurants that Santa Claus is watching them through the sprinkler system. I have never seen kids sit down, shut up and act right so fast in my life! Everyone should get to enjoy a nice meal out with out having someone else's kids french fries landing on THEIR plate. I'm just doing my part.
7. And lastly, I'm not ashamed to currently be using your (and MY) tax dollars to take care of my daughter. After a series of INCREDIBLY unfortunate events I lost my job last month. This has forced me to apply for food stamps, apply for SSI for my daughter, continue to utilize my WIC benefits, and collect the little unemployment I get. Yes, this college educated (with HONORS, DAMMIT)woman is currently out of work, having a bit of trouble finding NEW work, and is doing her damndest to make ends meet. I don't eat out. I don't drive unnecessarily. And I don't get my nails or hair done with the little money I do have. I clip coupons to make my foodstamps last. I try to do the driving I NEED to do either early in the morning or after the sun has gone down to conserve. I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. And thanks be to God that I have not been late on a utility bill or my mortgage since I lost my job....going on two months now.
I recently heard it said that a mom may not do what she WANTS to do, but she will always do what she HAS to do. Well, I guess that's where I'm at then...doing what I HAVE to do. And I'm not the least bit ashamed.
Now, has anyone seen my cape?
1. Having partied myself out of college the first time. I enjoyed the mess out of my 20's, and learned a ton about life. Like - a glass of water, 2 Advil and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best way to ward off a hangover. Poison Control told me that. Why was I talking to poison control? I was in my 20's. It was a girl's night. Put two and two together and I'm sure you will figure it out.
2. Keeping my head in the books the SECOND time around. I graduated with honors. Of course the day after I graduated I couldn't figure out how to get the paper towel roll on the holder....but hey...I graduated...WITH HONORS.
3. Being 32 and having the most bizarre phobias known to man. Let's see...there's the Easter Bunny, cruise ships, and anyone dressed up in a costume where you can't see their face. If you've ever been to a college football game with me, or to the mall during the holidays, you have been privy to the spectacle I become. If you have not witnessed it.....oh boy...it's something to write home about, that's for sure. I will just tell you this, it involves hyperventilating, raging panic, possibly some pants peeing, tears, and maybe a scream or two. I kid you not. It's epic.
4. Putting my daughter first in all that I do. Even though it meant making the tough decision to become a single mom, some things are just necessary. It's tough, but ummm...wasn't Wonder Woman a single mom? Isn't that how she got her name? If she wasn't, she is now.
5. Acting a complete ASS at the risk of others pointing and laughing. I could care less what that 21 year old Lady Gaga wannabe thinks of me as I robot dance to the beat. Or challenge the cutest boy in the club to an old skool dance off. I will roger rabbit all OVER that ass, and dare her to say somethin'..Life is much too short to be so serious all the time...hell, to be so serious even 50% of the time...sometimes (and some people) just need to loosen up...do the hustle in Target...up and down the aisles...and then running man through the check out...it's really fun!
6. Telling other people's kids that are acting a hot mess in restaurants that Santa Claus is watching them through the sprinkler system. I have never seen kids sit down, shut up and act right so fast in my life! Everyone should get to enjoy a nice meal out with out having someone else's kids french fries landing on THEIR plate. I'm just doing my part.
7. And lastly, I'm not ashamed to currently be using your (and MY) tax dollars to take care of my daughter. After a series of INCREDIBLY unfortunate events I lost my job last month. This has forced me to apply for food stamps, apply for SSI for my daughter, continue to utilize my WIC benefits, and collect the little unemployment I get. Yes, this college educated (with HONORS, DAMMIT)woman is currently out of work, having a bit of trouble finding NEW work, and is doing her damndest to make ends meet. I don't eat out. I don't drive unnecessarily. And I don't get my nails or hair done with the little money I do have. I clip coupons to make my foodstamps last. I try to do the driving I NEED to do either early in the morning or after the sun has gone down to conserve. I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. And thanks be to God that I have not been late on a utility bill or my mortgage since I lost my job....going on two months now.
I recently heard it said that a mom may not do what she WANTS to do, but she will always do what she HAS to do. Well, I guess that's where I'm at then...doing what I HAVE to do. And I'm not the least bit ashamed.
Now, has anyone seen my cape?
Things I'm Not Ashamed Of
As if you care, but in case you do, now you know that I am not ashamed of.....
1. Having partied myself out of college the first time. I enjoyed the mess out of my 20's, and learned a ton about life. Like - a glass of water, 2 Advil and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best way to ward off a hangover. Poison Control told me that. Why was I talking to poison control? I was in my 20's. It was a girl's night. Put two and two together and I'm sure you will figure it out.
2. Keeping my head in the books the SECOND time around. I graduated with honors. Of course the day after I graduated I couldn't figure out how to get the paper towel roll on the holder....but hey...I graduated...WITH HONORS.
3. Being 32 and having the most bizarre phobias known to man. Let's see...there's the Easter Bunny, cruise ships, and anyone dressed up in a costume where you can't see their face. If you've ever been to a college football game with me, or to the mall during the holidays, you have been privy to the spectacle I become. If you have not witnessed it.....oh boy...it's something to write home about, that's for sure. I will just tell you this, it involves hyperventilating, raging panic, possibly some pants peeing, tears, and maybe a scream or two. I kid you not. It's epic.
4. Putting my daughter first in all that I do. Even though it meant making the tough decision to become a single mom, some things are just necessary. It's tough, but ummm...wasn't Wonder Woman a single mom? Isn't that how she got her name? If she wasn't, she is now.
5. Acting a complete ASS at the risk of others pointing and laughing. I could care less what that 21 year old Lady Gaga wannabe thinks of me as I robot dance to the beat. Or challenge the cutest boy in the club to an old skool dance off. I will roger rabbit all OVER that ass, and dare her to say somethin'..Life is much too short to be so serious all the time...hell, to be so serious even 50% of the time...sometimes (and some people) just need to loosen up...do the hustle in Target...up and down the aisles...and then running man through the check out...it's really fun!
6. Telling other people's kids that are acting a hot mess in restaurants that Santa Claus is watching them through the sprinkler system. I have never seen kids sit down, shut up and act right so fast in my life! Everyone should get to enjoy a nice meal out with out having someone else's kids french fries landing on THEIR plate. I'm just doing my part.
7. And lastly, I'm not ashamed to currently be using your (and MY) tax dollars to take care of my daughter. After a series of INCREDIBLY unfortunate events I lost my job last month. This has forced me to apply for food stamps, apply for SSI for my daughter, continue to utilize my WIC benefits, and collect the little unemployment I get. Yes, this college educated (with HONORS, DAMMIT)woman is currently out of work, having a bit of trouble finding NEW work, and is doing her damndest to make ends meet. I don't eat out. I don't drive unnecessarily. And I don't get my nails or hair done with the little money I do have. I clip coupons to make my foodstamps last. I try to do the driving I NEED to do either early in the morning or after the sun has gone down to conserve. I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. And thanks be to God that I have not been late on a utility bill or my mortgage since I lost my job....going on two months now.
I recently heard it said that a mom may not do what she WANTS to do, but she will always do what she HAS to do. Well, I guess that's where I'm at then...doing what I HAVE to do. And I'm not the least bit ashamed.
Now, has anyone seen my cape?
1. Having partied myself out of college the first time. I enjoyed the mess out of my 20's, and learned a ton about life. Like - a glass of water, 2 Advil and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best way to ward off a hangover. Poison Control told me that. Why was I talking to poison control? I was in my 20's. It was a girl's night. Put two and two together and I'm sure you will figure it out.
2. Keeping my head in the books the SECOND time around. I graduated with honors. Of course the day after I graduated I couldn't figure out how to get the paper towel roll on the holder....but hey...I graduated...WITH HONORS.
3. Being 32 and having the most bizarre phobias known to man. Let's see...there's the Easter Bunny, cruise ships, and anyone dressed up in a costume where you can't see their face. If you've ever been to a college football game with me, or to the mall during the holidays, you have been privy to the spectacle I become. If you have not witnessed it.....oh boy...it's something to write home about, that's for sure. I will just tell you this, it involves hyperventilating, raging panic, possibly some pants peeing, tears, and maybe a scream or two. I kid you not. It's epic.
4. Putting my daughter first in all that I do. Even though it meant making the tough decision to become a single mom, some things are just necessary. It's tough, but ummm...wasn't Wonder Woman a single mom? Isn't that how she got her name? If she wasn't, she is now.
5. Acting a complete ASS at the risk of others pointing and laughing. I could care less what that 21 year old Lady Gaga wannabe thinks of me as I robot dance to the beat. Or challenge the cutest boy in the club to an old skool dance off. I will roger rabbit all OVER that ass, and dare her to say somethin'..Life is much too short to be so serious all the time...hell, to be so serious even 50% of the time...sometimes (and some people) just need to loosen up...do the hustle in Target...up and down the aisles...and then running man through the check out...it's really fun!
6. Telling other people's kids that are acting a hot mess in restaurants that Santa Claus is watching them through the sprinkler system. I have never seen kids sit down, shut up and act right so fast in my life! Everyone should get to enjoy a nice meal out with out having someone else's kids french fries landing on THEIR plate. I'm just doing my part.
7. And lastly, I'm not ashamed to currently be using your (and MY) tax dollars to take care of my daughter. After a series of INCREDIBLY unfortunate events I lost my job last month. This has forced me to apply for food stamps, apply for SSI for my daughter, continue to utilize my WIC benefits, and collect the little unemployment I get. Yes, this college educated (with HONORS, DAMMIT)woman is currently out of work, having a bit of trouble finding NEW work, and is doing her damndest to make ends meet. I don't eat out. I don't drive unnecessarily. And I don't get my nails or hair done with the little money I do have. I clip coupons to make my foodstamps last. I try to do the driving I NEED to do either early in the morning or after the sun has gone down to conserve. I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. And thanks be to God that I have not been late on a utility bill or my mortgage since I lost my job....going on two months now.
I recently heard it said that a mom may not do what she WANTS to do, but she will always do what she HAS to do. Well, I guess that's where I'm at then...doing what I HAVE to do. And I'm not the least bit ashamed.
Now, has anyone seen my cape?
Monday, July 19, 2010
Mommy's Lemonade Stand
Hello everyone. My name is Mommy. And I'm single.
Hi Mooooommmmmyyyyyyy.
That's what I imagined in my head when faced with the reality of being a newly single mom. But of course, me and anonymous don't exactly go hand in hand. In case you haven't heard, I'm kind of a BIG DEAL! Yes, I did think about going out and buying a fake wedding ring so I wouldn't have to endure the stares (or perceived stares) at my lefthandringfinger, then inevitably lead to a glance at my child, and then back to me. But why?? Why would I PRETEND that I have a man holdin' it down for me, when I am holdin' it down pretty damn tight?? Not to say that men are not necessary beings (kinda can't have kids without them...and they fix things), or even WANTED beings (if you have ever seen Dwayne Johnson without a shirt on then you know just what I'm talkin' about), but for ME....RIGHT NOW....AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE...a man just isn't an option...and to be quite honest....I'm selfish....I want allllll the credit on this one....buahahahahaaaaaa
Okay, so yeah...I toot my own horn sometimes but right now, I kind of have to! Life has handed me a big giant sack of lemons. I mean seriously - I could probably make lemon meringue pies every day for the rest of my life for every country on the planet with this one....and if I were a certain kind of person, I could complain about it all day long. But I have learned that when life hands you lemons, you don't just stand there staring at them, because at the end of the day they're still just lemons. They won't bump their lemon knuckles together like the Wondertwins and activate themselves into a martini. Or click their lemon heels together and turn into an amazing lemon yellow Prada purse with matching heels and an amazing LBD to boot. Nope. They will just sit there, being just what they are - sour lemons. You gotta peel them, zest them, slice them, wedge them, and squeeze the HELL out of those damn lemons. Then and ONLY THEN will you get something truly amazing out of the sour batch life has given you.
So....in the name of the sourest batch I have ever gotten, I'm off to make lemon bars. And perhaps after I put the munchkin down tonight I'll have a lemon drop martini.
All I'm sayin' is this....don't expect to see a pucker face on this mommy...my life's comin' up pine sol lemon-y fresh - even if I get lemon juice in my eye ('cuz you know...that stings and all).....
Hi Mooooommmmmyyyyyyy.
That's what I imagined in my head when faced with the reality of being a newly single mom. But of course, me and anonymous don't exactly go hand in hand. In case you haven't heard, I'm kind of a BIG DEAL! Yes, I did think about going out and buying a fake wedding ring so I wouldn't have to endure the stares (or perceived stares) at my lefthandringfinger, then inevitably lead to a glance at my child, and then back to me. But why?? Why would I PRETEND that I have a man holdin' it down for me, when I am holdin' it down pretty damn tight?? Not to say that men are not necessary beings (kinda can't have kids without them...and they fix things), or even WANTED beings (if you have ever seen Dwayne Johnson without a shirt on then you know just what I'm talkin' about), but for ME....RIGHT NOW....AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE...a man just isn't an option...and to be quite honest....I'm selfish....I want allllll the credit on this one....buahahahahaaaaaa
Okay, so yeah...I toot my own horn sometimes but right now, I kind of have to! Life has handed me a big giant sack of lemons. I mean seriously - I could probably make lemon meringue pies every day for the rest of my life for every country on the planet with this one....and if I were a certain kind of person, I could complain about it all day long. But I have learned that when life hands you lemons, you don't just stand there staring at them, because at the end of the day they're still just lemons. They won't bump their lemon knuckles together like the Wondertwins and activate themselves into a martini. Or click their lemon heels together and turn into an amazing lemon yellow Prada purse with matching heels and an amazing LBD to boot. Nope. They will just sit there, being just what they are - sour lemons. You gotta peel them, zest them, slice them, wedge them, and squeeze the HELL out of those damn lemons. Then and ONLY THEN will you get something truly amazing out of the sour batch life has given you.
So....in the name of the sourest batch I have ever gotten, I'm off to make lemon bars. And perhaps after I put the munchkin down tonight I'll have a lemon drop martini.
All I'm sayin' is this....don't expect to see a pucker face on this mommy...my life's comin' up pine sol lemon-y fresh - even if I get lemon juice in my eye ('cuz you know...that stings and all).....
Monday, January 25, 2010
Nothing To Say
i am still here but life is attempting to swallow me....do yourselves a favor people....take care of your health...and nag the hell out of your spouses until they do the same....
knowledge of life's timestamp is shitty knowledge...
knowledge of life's timestamp is shitty knowledge...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
These are a few of my favorite things.......
(tap tap tap)
hello?? is this thing on???
YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH BITCHEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! I'M BACK! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YA!!!
Yeah yeah I know....I've been out for a hot minute - but truthfully, my life has been turned upside down and inside out since oh, I don't know...OCTOBER!!!
But it seems as though things are slowly begninning to turn around for the positive....and so in keeping on this positive note, I am going to share with you some of my absolute favorite Christmas ornaments. My munchkin is waaaaayyyy too young to have made me one yet (although I suppose we could bronze and hang one of her poopy diapers - however, that is...ummmmm....what's the term I'm lookin for??? oh yeah.....NASTY ASS!!!!
So with that being said, all of my ornaments are store bought...but they are sweet, sentimental, and super special to me....hope you enjoy....
for Grandmother...she fought to the very end...love you always
3 weeks ago today 8 asked me to marry him....since I'd already bought the ornament I thought it a good idea to say yes...hahaha...just kidding....I bought the ornament the NEXT day....
ahhh...yeah so we did things backwards....who cares...have you SEEN my munchkin..I'll do things backwards over and over again if I was guaranteed that kind of love every time...THIS is one of my favorite ornaments!
ummmm HE-LLO!!! HOW COULD I NOT????
this is a pic of one of my dearest, and most adored friends....because we are actually cute in this pic, I know we weren't drunk yet....but we WERE pre-partying....ahhhh...the good old days....now pre-partying = licking the beaters clean of cupcake mix for a kids birthday party....
So there ya have it lovelies...oh and did I mention I JUST put the tree up today....and I have done NO Christmas shopping whatsoever.....hahahahahaha
hahahahahahhahahahaaaaaaa
hahahaha
WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
hello?? is this thing on???
YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH BITCHEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! I'M BACK! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YA!!!
Yeah yeah I know....I've been out for a hot minute - but truthfully, my life has been turned upside down and inside out since oh, I don't know...OCTOBER!!!
But it seems as though things are slowly begninning to turn around for the positive....and so in keeping on this positive note, I am going to share with you some of my absolute favorite Christmas ornaments. My munchkin is waaaaayyyy too young to have made me one yet (although I suppose we could bronze and hang one of her poopy diapers - however, that is...ummmmm....what's the term I'm lookin for??? oh yeah.....NASTY ASS!!!!
So with that being said, all of my ornaments are store bought...but they are sweet, sentimental, and super special to me....hope you enjoy....
for Grandmother...she fought to the very end...love you always
3 weeks ago today 8 asked me to marry him....since I'd already bought the ornament I thought it a good idea to say yes...hahaha...just kidding....I bought the ornament the NEXT day....
ahhh...yeah so we did things backwards....who cares...have you SEEN my munchkin..I'll do things backwards over and over again if I was guaranteed that kind of love every time...THIS is one of my favorite ornaments!
ummmm HE-LLO!!! HOW COULD I NOT????
this is a pic of one of my dearest, and most adored friends....because we are actually cute in this pic, I know we weren't drunk yet....but we WERE pre-partying....ahhhh...the good old days....now pre-partying = licking the beaters clean of cupcake mix for a kids birthday party....So there ya have it lovelies...oh and did I mention I JUST put the tree up today....and I have done NO Christmas shopping whatsoever.....hahahahahaha
hahahahahahhahahahaaaaaaa
hahahaha
WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
hack hack hack....clean air beware
i'm almost done dying folks...should be back tomorrow - for reals.....in the meantime check out supah's face on "Love My Glog" (previous post).....it looks like a vision of mrs. potato head on a bad acid trip...lo(hack hack hack) l.....miss you guys....love you more....
but don't breathe my air..u don't want none o'this.....
OH AND BEFORE I FORGET.....
please go and show my very best real life friend michelle rooney some serious bloggy love....she is following her passsion for photography and is seriously talented with kiddies......love love LOVE ON HER....
if u don't i'll breathe on you, spit in your tea and lick every spoon u own.....just kidding....or am i?
http://michellerooneyphotography.blogspot.com
but don't breathe my air..u don't want none o'this.....
OH AND BEFORE I FORGET.....
please go and show my very best real life friend michelle rooney some serious bloggy love....she is following her passsion for photography and is seriously talented with kiddies......love love LOVE ON HER....
if u don't i'll breathe on you, spit in your tea and lick every spoon u own.....just kidding....or am i?
http://michellerooneyphotography.blogspot.com
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