I Can't Believe I Signed Up For This

I am a girlie-girl....through and through. I love makeup, purses, mani-pedi's, fabulous heels...I'm as "chic" as they come. And I'm okay with that - very okay with that. I'm surprised I like to garden as much as I do because there is dirt (and the occasional earthworm - ewwwwww) involved. However, I think the only reason I enjoy that so much is because it all looks so pretty when I'm done. So not only am I a girlie-girl, I'm a self-fulfilling girlie girl. HA! So when my honey informed me that I would have to blow my daughters nose FOR HER (she's got a wicked change-of-weather head cold), you can imagine the look of horror and disgust on my face. And it wasn't just a flash of a look, no. It was stuck on my face like someone had come along and slapped me on the back at the precise moment I made said face, and lo and behold, mom was right - my face froze like that. The conversation that took place after this information carried itself along the sound waves to my not registering brain went a little something like this:

Honey: This nasal aspirator isn't working. I think we're gonna have to blow her nose for her.

Me: Say what?

Honey: Yeah. We're gonna have to blow her nose for her. She can't breathe through her nose which is why she's not falling asleep.

Me: And so, just how does one blow one's nose for another???

Honey: Well, she will hate it. But you basically close up one of her nostrils and then blow into her mouth like you're about to give CPR. Except all the air is diverted up her nasal cavity and the snot comes shooting out.

Me: the look appears...

Honey: Hey, she's our daughter. We have to do it.

Me: (still looking at him as though he has lost his last good brain cell) Screw that man - YOU have to do it!

Honey: Well, I have to go to work today, so if she can't breathe through out the day you're just going to let her suffer?

Me: silence....brain says "Shit man, pullin' on the damn heartstrings...that was low and sneaky. Bastard." mouth says "FINE. Show me how this crap is done."

I then proceeded to watch him blow our daughters nose for her. Not only was she pissed to high hell, but when he was done, he had a face full of snot. Our daughters snot. I, on the other hand, had a mouth full of vomit. This had to be the single most disgusting thing I had ever witnessed with my own eyeballs.

But wouldn't you know it.....within seconds of him ending the torture of the munchkin she was sound asleep. Literally. KNOCKED OUT. And slept for a good couple of hours too, so I thought there may be something to this madness after all.

Later on in the day she had this congestion thing going again right before it was time for her to go down for her nap, so I said to my brain "Okay girl...we can do this.....it's for the munchkin. WE CAN DO THIS". So I grabbed my munchkin and laid her down on the couch and hovered over her, mentally preparing myself to help the girl breathe. She was looking at me all sweet and baby-like, probably thinking in her baby brain "aw geez...I love my mama...she's so much fun..I just love her...I bet we're gonna play that 'tickle my tummy' game game right now...ooohhhh I can't wait!"

Then I moved in for the blowing.

And promptly got an eyeful of snot.

My daughter was now furious with me, and giving me a look that said "TAKE THAT, BITCH!"
And I totally deserved the look. I mean, imagine if your honey did that to you. He lays you down all sweet and gentle on the couch, looks longingly into your eyes, and leans in for what you think is going to be the moment to end all moments - except he starts BLOWING into you! You would slap the mess out of him - with BOTH hands!! Which is what I believe my kid would have done if she could have. Instead, she was satisfied with practically blinding me in one eye. Which is I guess the perfect retribution for a baby.

But ugh....it is hell for this mama. No one likes a mouth full of vomit and an eyeful of snot.

No one.

Well, I take that back. No one except sleeping babies.

THROWBACK THURSDAY via FLASHBACK FRIDAY

YES - I HAVE BEEN RUNNING BEHIND ALLLLLLLL WEEK......but alas, for your viewing pleasure....putting my humility on the line....providing you all with fodder for the dinner table/water cooler/bathroom chat.....I bring you.......

THROWBACK THURSDAYS
(thursday thursday thursdayyyyyy)

No, I didn't swallow a beachball...that is me - prego...respectively 3, and then 6 months....

There isn't much to say about the pics, I think it's pretty obvious how I felt about the baby bump....

But I felt the need to post love today...there is so much negativity in the world, and it becomes very easy to focus on the bad things happening in our lives, and lose sight of the wonderful things....like our honeys....our munchkins....ourSELVES.....so my THROWBACK THURSDAY post (which for today shall be called FLASHBACK FRIDAY - today and today ONLY) is dedicated to love....

live it. breathe it. be it.

Black Girl Said WHAAAAAATTTTTT?????

It's Tuesday - so I'm a day late (and still a dolla short - hahaha)...so what. I'm still gonna play in MeMe Monday and YOU can't stop me. So Bpppppptttttttt!

However, it seems as though my mother holds most, if not all of the evidence that I was a ridiculously silly little Black girl who unfortunately, had no clue that SHE WAS BLACK. *'gasp - did she just say she was BLACK??? Oh God! Not THAT!'* (TO THE UBER-SENSITIVE READER - I poke fun at myself and society on a daily basis, consider that one a jab and start laughing - it's really not as taboo to say "Black" as you may think)

And on a total sidenote, I always get a kick out of the non-Black people who kind of whisper the word black around me, or hesitate to describe me as "the Black girl with the short hair"....it cracks me up...it's like - HE-LLOOOOOO....U KNOW I'M BLACK...I CERTAINLY KNOW I'M BLACK....LET'S CALL A SPADE A SPADE AND QUIT THIS IRISH JIG WE'RE DOIN'! hahahahahhaaha - it gets me every time!

Anyway - I totally digress....as I was saying, I was ignorant to the fact that I was Black and hence ignored the BLACK GIRL FASHION RULES. Now no, I'm not getting all reverse racist or anything so bite your quick to judge tongue and just follow along.

Yes, there ARE Black girl fashion rules. They consist of things that Black girls can't or shouldn't do because WE'RE NOT WHITE and it just doesn't work out the same for us. Since I have no pictures to share, I will just list the top five, and guarantee you that yes, I have in fact committed EVERY BLACK GIRL FASHION CRIME you see listed here.

1. The Jheri Curl - I thought if I got a curl my hair would be pretty and curly like SJP's or Mariah Carey's. SJP is White. MC is 1/2 White. The curl did not work in my favor. What I ended up with was a "follow the drip" mess of curl that when dried (and grown out) made me look like a ghetto fabulous Ice Cube (the rapper, not what's in your freezer). Thus, not a good look.

2. Braided Bangs - my grandmother's idea, not mine. I had to sleep with one of those soft pink foam rollers in the front of my head and without fail, every morning I woke up with a lovely indention in my forehead. This is when I made my very first mental note: BLACK.GIRLS.DON'T.WEAR.BANGS. Well, at least not THIS Black girl.

3. Frosted Blue Eyeshadow - Can't blame this one on anyone but me. College mistake. But damn Cover Girl for making us think we can all wear the same damn colors. This was BEFORE they had the sense to hire Queen Latifah and create the Queen Collection. Damn geniuses.

4. Frosted Pink Lipstick - I blame my friends, and my mother for this one. If my mother had allowed me to wear makeup at age 11 I never would have made this rookie mistake, and borrowed my friends makeup at school. And if I had ANY friends who were worth their weight in spit, they would have said "Hey! Guess what? Your BLACK. Take that crap off your lips. You look like someone turned your mouth inside out." But none of them did. So I went through junior high that way. That is, until the day I forgot to wash my make-up off before coming home and told my mother that no, I was not wearing eyeliner - that line had been there since the day I was born. I remember a slap, her hollering something about having given birth to me and knowing every inch of my little Black body, and having to wait ANOTHER year before I could wear make-up.

And finally....

5. Low Rise Skinny Jeans - Plain and simple, our bodies are built differently. Black girls can't wear everything everybody else can. Well at least THIS Black girl can't. I learned this the hard way when my ass fell out while strolling through The Galleria. That was the quickest, and most necessary shopping trip EVER.

So there ya have it - my MeMe Monday on Tuesday. Bet you're wishin' I had those pics up aren't ya? Ha. Not in a million years suckers. I might wanna run for office or somethin' one day.

Ease My Guilt. Hire Me.

So, did ya hear the one about that one girl that got laid off from her job when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant? Yeah, it happened. And during the worst recession in decades. Oh. You didn't hear that one? Well put your ear to your computer speakers because I'm a'tellin.

Yessiree, that's me. Jobless Joan. Sitting at home, day after day, sending out resume after resume, practically throwing myself at the feet of the Lords of Industry. They point. They laugh. Sometimes they throw in a swift kick in the ribs for good measure. And then they move on to the next poor (and I do mean poor, as in holding onto those six tuna cans in the pantry because ya never know when you'll REALLY be in a crunch)shmuck to mock. Now don't get me wrong - I fully realize the opportunity I have been given over countless other moms out there. I have been able to spend every day of my daughters life with her. I am the first thing she sees in the morning, the last thing before she goes to bed, and every second in between. *sidenote: I now wonder if the "spit up" is from the formula and gas, or if she's just sick of seein' my mug every damn second of the day. Something to ponder.* The fact that I have been able to do that is indescribable. It's priceless. I'm living moments I will never have again with her. Days I can't get back - and that's pretty awesome. But really - how awesome is it if you have to beg the electric company not to turn off your lights because you have a newborn and you're unemployed and only have one income and you're doing your BEST to make ends meet, and the man on the other end of the phone says "Well ma'am, due to the recent heatwave we won't be turning off your electricity. I can give you seven more days." How awesome is it? It's not awesome at all when you realize that the fact that you have an infant isn't enough to keep your lights on - but the weather is.

I am receiving unemployment and for that I am grateful. I have a wonderful man who not only puts up with my tears, rants, raves, and all around neuroses since I'm home all day, AND works his butt off to bring home a decent check every week, and for HIM I am grateful. I have my health (kind of) and for that I am grateful. I have my daughter and for her, well there aren't enough words to say how grateful I am for her. I still have my house, my car, my utilities, and food in the fridge - and for all these things I am so very grateful. What I don't have is a job. A J-O-B. And truth be told, I feel damn guilty about it. I know it's not my fault I got laid off....but seriously - they couldn't have picked someone else to let go? I know that's a HORRIBLE thought but who lays off a woman about to give birth?? WHO DOES THAT?? IS THERE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL/PURGATORY/MIDDLE EARTH for those people?

Anyway, as I was saying, I feel incredibly guilty for not having been able to find work yet (as if that's something I can control - remember "And Then God Laughed"?). I feel as though I have let my daughter down (though she is completely clueless to it - girl has the attention span of a gnat), my honey down (though he NEVER makes me feel bad about my situation and reminds me constantly that he loves me and he just wants me to be happy in whatever I do. I think that man should get some good lovin' tonight..that's pretty damn worthy of gettin' some), like I've let God down (but if he sees all and knows all then he planned this and HOPEFULLY has something A-MAZING lined up for me because surely he wouldn't bless me with this little girl and then hang us out to dry, right?)...basically I just kinda feel like I'm suckin' on a giant LIFE LEMON and there is no sugar to be found ANYWHERE, so makin' lemonade is a joke.

So, I put the call out to the blog world. I am a Social Worker. I am a writer. I am an Event Coordinator. I am a Community Outreach Expert. I am a wedding/party planner. I am the Public Relations QUEEN. I.AM.FOR.HIRE.

This Post Is Dedicated To M

*This will not be my usual post today ladies...


So before you go asking - NO...I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO ANOTHER WHITE BABY. But someone did. This beautiful little man belongs to my neighbor, and let me just tell you - there is a quite a story about how he got here. Let's just say he was a surprise to us all! Literally.

My neighbor had absolutely no idea she was pregnant until she woke up in the middle of the night with severe back pain, only to find out the cause was that she was in labor and 3 cm dilated. Within the next hour, this little guy came to be. TOTALLY unprepared and still in shock, her mom called me the next morning to tell me the news. If I were to tell you that my heart stopped for a moment I wouldn't be lying. I see her daughter every day. Her daughter watches my daughter. How did I miss it?? How did we ALL miss it?

Well regardless of how we all missed it and how he got here, he is HERE. While initially totally unprepared...well, never underestimate the goodness of family (born into and chosen). This little guy is off to a pretty good start. Someway, somehow, he made it into this world with no prenatal care - and is 100% healthy. 8lb 8oz of healthy!

I would be a fool if I didn't think there were little angels taking care of him from day one. Him and his mama. They are both supremely and infinitely blessed - and though it will be a tough row to hoe for this new, young mom....I think she knows that someone has been looking over her the last 9 months, so she will be just fine.

I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. It's no coincidence we live next door to each other. Her mom's father used to watch me after school in NYC (we live in TX now), but I had no idea her mother existed. It's no coincidence I had my baby when I did and she came over everyday to hang out with the munchkin - feeding her, changing her diapers, playing with her. It's really no coincidence that I had just pulled out a bunch of baby items to donate to Goodwill and they were already neatly packaged in my living room - I'd just been too lazy to go. It's really all NO COINCIDENCE. Everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING.

Much love and MANY blessings to you M. And just know that even though at times it will seem ridiculously difficult, you have already made us all a bit wiser and stronger by allowing us to watch you, our baby, be a mommy to little T. We love you, we love you, WE LOVE YOU!

Stay Tuned

Hello Blog-o-nistas! I haven't abandoned my blog...I've just had a very eventful couple of days and am trying to wrap my brain around the appropriate words to post my next blog. All I can tell you is LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Perhaps tomorrow my brain will figure out how to share my news....until then....love you all!

Old Pro vs. The Newbie

This posting has been started and stopped numerous times since Sunday. Do I post it? Do I not post it? What if family reads it? WHAT IF MY MOTHER READS IT?? Ugh....

So here I sit again, a full 12 hours AFTER I initially started this post this morning, and have resolved to just do it. I'm just going to put it out there and let people think what they want, let the chips fall where they may. Okay.

Relationships. Are. Hard.

I am (unfortunately) not yet married to my daughter's father, but we DO live together. Now before someone goes wagging their well manicured finger at me, just know that I am ALREADY filled with the guilt of a Catholic hooker missing Saturday afternoon mass. Despite all my quirkiness and willingness to blow caution to the wind time at any time, this is one way in which I am VERY traditional. I WANTED to be married before I had children, but it just didn't work out that way. Now don't get me wrong - I love this man with all of my heart and every fiber of my being. But there are definitely days I'd like to smother him with a pillow. Let me explain.

We (me and my honey) have a very interesting dynamic. We would do ANYTHING for eachother. We would do ANYTHING for our child. The thing is that while this is his third child, she is my FIRST. Naturally, as any first time mom, I worry incessantly. I worry if she's breathing. Is she not breathing? Is her breathing labored? Why does she sound that way? Is her skull forming okay? And countless other "new mommy" worries that I am SUPPOSED to have. I feel the responsibility to be her consummate 24 hour protection from THE WORLD. This feeling started the day the doctor confirmed her being in my belly. I am her mommy and for the rest of my life and hers I will worry. Don't tell my mother this because I play the "cool mom" role with her to keep HER worries at bay. But I do - I. WORRY. And I do so happily. However, this is where things start to go awry for my honey and me. This is his third time around the block so it is old news for him. He reminds me constantly that I worry too much, which drives me NUTS because HE-LLO!!! I'M A MOM!! THAT'S WHAT I DO!!

This difference (new mom vs. old pro) has led to many arguments, me saying "Would you just let me be a mom? Let me do what I do, damnit!", and occasionally wondering if there is any hope for US. Wondering if we will, in fact, get married within the next year or so. Now as I said before, I love this man and believe that he IS the one for me - but how do we make this work? We have different parenting styles - I'm very hands on, very maternal, and I question EVERYTHING and he is more of a 'go with the flow' and 'let's just wait and see' kind of dad. While on some levels I appreciate that because it DOES help me to just chill out and rethink some things, on many other levels, right now I just don't have it in me to be that way.

So what do we do? How do we make this work? How do we fix what (sometimes) seems to me is on the verge of breaking?

How do TWO different people become ONE great team?