Friday, November 6, 2009

Love My Glog

Dear Friends of My Name is Mommy :
( I can fucking hear my husband peeing upstairs right now.. that is so damn gross. )
That’s just a perrrrrfect fucking way to start off my GUEST BLOGGER POST a.k.a. Glogger post for my friend whose name is Mommy. Just about as perfect as droppin the F bomb 2x in one post intro.
This is MY ONE CHANCE at fame… and I’ve already been done gone and fucked it the hell mess up.
Shit.. 3times.
So : for those of you who need an intro to the enigma that is SupahMommy… here I am. In all my glory. I am a mommy of 2 wait.. shit.. 3.. I actually just typed 2! SOMEONE slap me! I’m My Name Is Mommy’s ( MNIM) favorite ever ever ever blog land friend.
( I can type whatever the hell I want… cause she's not here!) MNIM has crawled off o' her death bed to send me a smoke signal…
It was an awful lot of smoke. I told her she couldn’ve just fucking emailed.( 4x) . it would’ve been easier.. but hey. She’s a drama queen. So I put on my supah cape, stopped what I was doing ( feeding my baby) and rushed over here to serve you all with my stupidness.
You see folks: she is swimming in bronchitis or some drama llama shit like that. I think she gots the swine. I hope you all wore your facemasks and hazmats for your stop over here. I’m not sure if she lysoled this shit down. * insert not so sure face
I’m safe though.. you see..
I been done got the swine.
So I’ll do the typing for her. Since she’s hacking up lungs and stuff it’s the least I could do.
I figured I’d come on over and mess her place up… take some silly pictures with her camera and post them for you to laugh at until her return. So wish her well. Don’t breath any of her air germs and enjoy the pics AND the GLOG POST J
Here are some pics courtesy of my mac Photobooth.
Just kidding. I only look like that when I gots the "swine." Poot MNIM.. she probably looks like that now too!
Here's my REAL glog. HAVE A GREAT SWINE FREE DAY FOLKS! Stop over and see me sometimes.. ROWWWWLLLL ! **** I was brutally and maliciously attacked last evening and I am reporting it HERE on this blog before I take my story public to all of the land. FUCKIN A. I stopped at the big bird, our local overpriced grocery store, that reels me in easily everytime, to grab some items after work last night. As any good citizen, should, I returned my damn shopping cart to it's rightful corral about 10 car slots up from my vehicle. Ran up there in the FA- REEEZING cold of night... gave it a BIG ASS SHOVE .. saw the effer head into the corral all by it's lonesome. Promptly headed back to my vehicle. Which happened to be my husband's BRAND NEW JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE. Got back in. Put the car in reverse. Looked ahead actually, oddly.. into the window of the vehicle parked in front of me. There was actually a driver in the car. I smiled politley cause I'm a friendly sorts and thought nothing of her oddly wide eyes. Turned my head, began a slow backup for takeoff... and off to my right out of the back side window.. when what to my wandering eyes do appear? Headed DIRECTly TOWARDS my vehicle, that is again not mine. On a slow and meticulous track toward my rear side panel. Like some stripped down version of Carrie- the killer car that gave me nightmares at age 12. That fucking shopping cart. Slow mo we go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. screams supah from the confines of her vehicle.. frozen .. unable to move due to her inability to think through situations of emergency kinds.... Says the shopping cart from the depths of hell, reaching a maxium speed of 8 miles per hour... " YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS." Bang. Nothing I could do. Old Wide eyes ( person in vehicle in front of me) connected with me for a moment before I winced and got out of my car. THANKS FOR THE WARNING jack ass! COULDN'T YOU HAVE signed TO ME THAT IS WAS COMING? I know sign language for pete's sake. At least the alphabet. Maybe written as sign in lipstick ON YOUR WINDOW??? Sent off a CARRIER pigeon to bring me A NOTE TELLING ME THAT THE CART WAS HEADED DIRECTLY FOR MY HUSBANDS NEW CAR????? UGHHH. So.. I get out. Run around to check the damage.. annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... as always... there's more. THAT FUCKING CARRIE CART... bounced off of my car and was headed.. WHERE YOU ASK???? DIRECTLY TOWARDS WIDE EYES VEHICLE. So I signed to her.. IN MY BEST SIGN LANGUAGE SKILLS. "Hey.. JACK ASS... you know that cart you didnt' tell me about.. the one that hit my husbands brand new car? Yeah that one.. WEll it's headed for your headlights. " And I got in my car and left. xoxox© supah
dont' forget about:
bLerApy blog - anon-y-mous bloggin
Writers' Roundup - creative writing group ( assignment due NOv 11th)
skyping with supah - speak to supah and be featured on her blog * NEW
and supah's last giveaway! Pet Festival!- night light, id tags, doggy vests and books


G-Zell said...

brahahahah Girl!! you always have some wacked out story to tell LMAO... OMG are you sure we are not related and your aren't a rican like me because dang girl I thought I was in love with the f word and I am in rehab right now for it. LMAO LOLOLOLOLLO

Fknnnn A man that is some funny shyt!

Steven Anthony said...

as always you made me smile....fucking(number 5 or is it 8, lol) funny pics;)

Eva Gallant said...

That was way too funny! Hope hubby's new car survived.

blueviolet said...

Those pictures are downright frightening! One would think they were hallucinating.

I love that the runaway cart moves from vehicle to vehicle causing a constant stream of damage....

Princess of Sarcasm said...

Haha is funny even over here on this beautiful, elegant blog page. So pretty with the white and black and touches of red...Princess likey.

Hope MNIM feels better soon and does not have the hamthrax. It sucks.

MaeRae said...

FN hysterical. The Carrie Cart lives. And so do hubby would have KILLED ME! Or at least made my eardrums bleed by all the yelling. Good luck.

Tracie said...

That Carrie cart was at my grocery store a couple of weeks ago.....hate that thing!! :) We need to find some sort of grocery store exorcist to come take care of it.

Loved the!

Chief said...

Those are the best pictures of you ever!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

AHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, I'm probably not supposed to be laughing at your plight...but you do crack me up! Even with your scary pictures and all. ;) I think that Carrie Cart was in the parking lot of my store recently, too. Luckily I avoided it but some other poor sucker didn't...oh wait...that might have been you! ;)

Margaret said...

Loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SupahMommy said...

I know.

Iphotobooth. Effects. Try that shit.

Hope you feel bettah MNIM! THanks for jaden's prayers and uplifting message. I miss you terribly!


Epiphius said...

stupid carts

love the gooney pics!

Andy made one with our toddler that was a reflective one so it looked like twins. my heart about stopped.

Kmama said...

Ahh, great post. It's my second favorite post of yours (Bubonic Plague is my fav!).

And Photo Booth is the most fun ever!

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Hello! My Name Is Mommy by that one girl is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.