Hello everyone. My name is Mommy. And I'm single.
That's what I imagined in my head when faced with the reality of being a newly single mom. But of course, me and anonymous don't exactly go hand in hand. In case you haven't heard, I'm kind of a BIG DEAL! Yes, I did think about going out and buying a fake wedding ring so I wouldn't have to endure the stares (or perceived stares) at my lefthandringfinger, then inevitably lead to a glance at my child, and then back to me. But why?? Why would I PRETEND that I have a man holdin' it down for me, when I am holdin' it down pretty damn tight?? Not to say that men are not necessary beings (kinda can't have kids without them...and they fix things), or even WANTED beings (if you have ever seen Dwayne Johnson without a shirt on then you know just what I'm talkin' about), but for ME....RIGHT NOW....AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE...a man just isn't an option...and to be quite honest....I'm selfish....I want allllll the credit on this one....buahahahahaaaaaa
Okay, so yeah...I toot my own horn sometimes but right now, I kind of have to! Life has handed me a big giant sack of lemons. I mean seriously - I could probably make lemon meringue pies every day for the rest of my life for every country on the planet with this one....and if I were a certain kind of person, I could complain about it all day long. But I have learned that when life hands you lemons, you don't just stand there staring at them, because at the end of the day they're still just lemons. They won't bump their lemon knuckles together like the Wondertwins and activate themselves into a martini. Or click their lemon heels together and turn into an amazing lemon yellow Prada purse with matching heels and an amazing LBD to boot. Nope. They will just sit there, being just what they are - sour lemons. You gotta peel them, zest them, slice them, wedge them, and squeeze the HELL out of those damn lemons. Then and ONLY THEN will you get something truly amazing out of the sour batch life has given you.
So....in the name of the sourest batch I have ever gotten, I'm off to make lemon bars. And perhaps after I put the munchkin down tonight I'll have a lemon drop martini.
All I'm sayin' is this....don't expect to see a pucker face on this mommy...my life's comin' up pine sol lemon-y fresh - even if I get lemon juice in my eye ('cuz you know...that stings and all).....