Tuesday, October 20, 2009

If I Can't Blog Tomorrow It's Because My Hands Caught On Fire

Yep. You read right. There is a very real possibility that my hands could spontaneously combust tomorrow.

For those of you that don't know, which is probably most of you because I recently went MIA for about two weeks - I GOT A J-O-B!!!! I am no longer filled with the guilt of a catholic hooker. I am a contributing part of my household, and yes, I am thrilled to be paying taxes once again. Weird, right? It's like that high you get when your period FINALLY shows up after being one minute late. You know that feeling - well, not you Ethanblippity-blop or Steve Anthony....at least I hope you guys don't. But anyhoo, yes...mama got a job. BUT.....it's in a bridal salon.


But a VERY BAD THING for my honey.

Because see, he has yet to adorn my left handringfingerjustbelowthesecondknuckle with a shiny, sparkly bauble. Now yes, he has bought me a ring with diamonds.....and that's exactly what it is... A RING WITH DIAMONDS. A beautiful ring with diamonds that I absolutely LOVE, but if you're breathing and you're a girl and you've watched SATC a gazillion times, you know there is a difference between A RING WITH DIAMONDS and A DIAMOND RING.

Here is my ring with diamonds.....

It's beautiful. It's antique in style and fits me perfectly. I gasped when he gave it to me last Christmas. I love my ring with diamonds.

However, I'm a mom to HIS kid now. We live together. We talk about THAT day as if it's just around the corner. And now I work in a bridal salon. I promised myself I wouldn't touch any of the dresses because I knew that would be the end of me. All so called patience would run screaming from my body and I would end up a hot mess, crying every day saying "why won't he marry me" (and I swear if anyone makes that stupid cow and milk reference I will say very not nice things about you in blogland....even if I have to make them up...and I have a VERY good imagination). But then this conversation took place with my boss before I left today....

Me: Ok....So I'll see you tomorrow.

Him: Yep. Big day for you. You're trying on dresses tomorrow.

Me: I'm sorry. Did you say I'm trying on dresses tomorrow?

Him: Yes ma'am.....and veils and tiara's too.

Me: (lookin' like a deer trapped in approaching headlights) Ahhhh...ok...see you tomorrow!

Me in my head: ohshitohshitohshitohshit......what the eff....what the freakin' eff....I haven't TOUCHED a wedding dress in 4.5 years ON PURPOSE.....crapcrapcrapcrapCRAP!!!!!

I haven't told my honey this is happening tomorrow. He knows it will happen at some point in my training but he doesn't know tomorrow is the day. I haven't told him because if he responds with "Ha! Have fun with that" and I punch him in the mouth out of sheer reflex, I might go to jail. And I don't want him raising the munchkin without me. He might send her off to school one day with a giant, nappy mess for hair, and I can't have my girl lookin' like she's homeless. She's just too cute for that. And honestly, I'm too cute for jail. I ain't tryin' to be nobody's bitch. I got my own bitches.....heeeeeeeyyyyyyy bitcheeeeeeesssssssss...ya'll know who you are.....

So anyways, if I don't blog tomorrow, it's most likely because my hands caught on fire after touching a wedding ensemble. Which I suppose would save my honey the trouble of having to replace my ring with diamonds with a DIAMOND RING.

I keep mentioning that in the hopes that he might decide to actually read this post sometime in the near future and feel a sense of urgency to make a shiny, sparkly purchase for my lefthandringfingerjustbelowthesecondknuckle. Should he get hit with such inspiration, here is a little help.....

Something like this, or even this one in particular, would look a-freakin-mazing on my lefthandringfingerjustbelowthesecondknuckle. I'm just sayin'.....

But then again, if my hands catch on fire, he won't have to worry about that will he....

unless it comes in an ultra fabulous toe ring......

please ladies...like u wouldn't......don't front.....


Michelle Rooney said...

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah!!! can't wait to hear how your day goes tomorrow!!

Steven Anthony said...

whats the song....if you liked it, shoulda put a ring on it....lol

good luck on the job.

BTW: I haver never had a period, but still had the joy of when my girlfriends started once upon a very long time ago..... wink wink

Amber said...

Love the ring. Hope your day goes ok tomorrow!

Eva Gallant said...

goof lucktomorrow!

Melissa said...


please ladies.. like u wouldn't.. don't front


still dying..

im crashin your heeeeyyyyyyy biiiiiiiitttttttchhhhhhess party k?
glad we're clear.


Creative Commons License
Hello! My Name Is Mommy by that one girl is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.