Sunday, July 26, 2009

Pregnancy Did Not Make Me Blonde....

Apparently I've always been this way....

So I totally get that when you are pregnant, you become a bit air-headed. If you are already a little blonde at the roots (as is the case with me), well your life becomes the fodder for dinner time laughs. Who am I kidding - my life became fodder for ANYTIME laughs! However, I was under the impression that once you pop out the brain cell stealer, your brain returns to normal size from its previously shrunken state, and people will once again believe you when you tell them you are college educated. I was not so lucky. Here is a list, in no certain order, of ridiculous things I have done since "the blessed event", otherwise known as giving birth....

1. In preparing a bottle for my child I forgot to put the nipple in, and attempted to feed her. Instead she received a milk bath. (Can we call that a spa treatment instead of a mommy mishap?)

2. Grabbed the wrong bottle after her bath and actually rubbed her entire body down (face included) with diaper rash creme instead of lotion.

3. Almost put her diaper on backwards, but thought it a much better idea to put her ONESIE on backwards.....and INSIDE OUT.

4. Packed her diaper bag complete with bottles and water and everything. Get to my destination an hour away from home only to realize that I have left her formula on the kitchen table.

5. Accidentally put her formula in my coffee thinking it was my creamer. (That's what happens when you are so sleepy you make coffee with your eyes closed.)

6. Took her to the salon with me in an attempt to have our very first mommy-daughter diva day, actually thinking she would sleep through the entire thing. Thank God my stylist is in love with my daughter because this could have ended very, VERY badly. I could be bald.

7. Agreed to have sex again.

Ok, so looking at the list - 6 screw ups in 10 weeks isn't so bad (that last one is just "my bad"). That's roughly 1 every 2 weeks....and with odds like that she should make it to 18 fairly sane, and in one piece. Me on the other hand, I'm not so sure. I'm not exactly batting 1000 here, but she's still breathing, right? She gives me a look sometimes as though she's wondering how on earth she got HERE through ME. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I am wondering the same thing, and we continue on making faces at eachother. She's cute as can be, and quite the little lady in her tiny state.

Let's just hope her hair stays a nice, solid dark brown. No blonde roots. Or else we are both in a hell of a lot of trouble.


Fishbowl said...

So funny, thanks. Disclaimer: I'm not a mom. BUT I get so absent minded when I'm stressed, leaving things everywhere, forgetting to bring things anywhere...I am sure I'd lose my kid if I ever had one.

why are there no comments if you were on SITS? I came here from there - Happy belated saturday fun fest!

SupahMommy said...


freakin 10

that was so funny

the diaper cream

oh my lord.
the milk bath..

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