Saturday, August 22, 2009

Brad...Angie... Meet Your New Daughter



Call the Mommy police. Report me to Parents magazine. Someone get a hold of Brad and Angie and see if they are interested in adding another child to their multi-cultural brood because I. Am. Over. It.

"It" is cute babies. "It" is cute babies who scream un-apologetically. "It" is cute babies who scream un-apologetically for no good reason other than they hate their car seat. And lastly, "It" is cute babies who scream un-apologetically for no good reason other than they hate their car seat and then when you finally try to put them down in their own crib they're not having it. They want YOU. MOMMY. HOLDER OF THE WOMB to hold them while they fall asleep so they can give you a sidelong glance and wry smile as if to say "GOTCHA BITCH." And then, just as they drift off to sleep and you begin to ask God for forgiveness for some of those thoughts you had while all that screaming was going on, you hear the sound that almost sends you into a Gran Mal seizure. She laughs. The screaming baby chuckles and drifts off to sleep, while you are stuck, too scared to move because that wretched screaming might start up again.

So you sit. And you sit. And sit. And eyeball the shot glass and bottle of Jose Cuervo Black that is approximately 10 feet away. And you're still sitting. Then...you have to pee.

Good thing it's laundry day.

I'm so over it.


*Once again, because I just know SOME MOTHER out there is wagging her finger at me and muttering about how grateful I should be to have such a blessing and yaddah yaddah yaddah....I AM GRATEFUL. I LOVE MY KID. HOWEVER, IT'S BEEN A DAY. And in case you missed it...my blog header DOES say "Things Nobody Says Out Loud..."*

14 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

I so rememnber those days. I swear the only reasons my boys survived their childhood is because they were so cute....see my blog for my grandsons' pic.

Lacie E. said...

Oh my gosh finally someone that is honest in this world. I wish I would have found you when I was going through this stage, my son is four now and we have a completly new set of issues lol. It doesn't make us bad moms to want to lock ourselves in a closet sometimes. You crack me up i will totally be back!

Melissa said...

Thanks for visitng my site. I came over to check out yours and just started laughing. Out Loud. I am a new mom and imagine my surprise when someone agrees with me! Most everyone else thinks that kids are cute. ALL THE TIME. Man, its fun! but Man, it is WORK! LOL. I love the sleep laugh. How can they go from screaming to laughing is beyond me.

Amanda said...

OMG you are just too funny girl!!!

Came over from SITS and so glad I did!!

Emma Hughes said...

I get days like these all the time... i love your blog and the whole concept of saying what no-one says out loud... :) following!

Theta Mom said...

OMG! I've so been there...you don't want to make one false move because that screaming starts over again and again and again...Hope you were able to manage a little cuervo!

Kelly said...

I'm sure anyone with children can completely relate. My nephew is with me for the weekend. He's 7 now and the coolest person I know. But I'm reminded of the time when he was about 2 and had a full on melt down in the middle of Wal-Mart. At the time, it was the worst moment of my life!!! I think I cried more than he did.

natalee said...

lol..love your blog..im following now.. come follow me

Robbie S. Redmon, LPC said...

Hi, I'm stopping over from SITS. I love your blog! I'm following you. Hope you will stop by. I post marital secrets for young wives, mothers, and couples.

shraddha said...

lol! aww! you are such a sweetie!!!

great blog! i very much enjoyed visitng it

SupahMommy said...

bwwwah ha ha!

love it.

great blog..
going to stalk you some more... find out what other goodies you've written.

lol
d

SupahMommy said...

I cannot even tell if my last comment made it through.. i'm that brain dead.

if not

synopsis.
love yo blog.

d

Maricris Zen Mama said...

You forgot to mention those times you're like a cow being a-milkin every 2 hours and sleepless nights galore. Mommies should be proclaimed saints. saints...

Tamis said...

to many fake mama's out there! Thanks for keeping it real. My babes are now 10 and 8. The 8 year olds are twins--so there where quite a few crazy years in there. I told quite a few people I was inches from selling them on ebay. I knew I was kidding, most often they did too. It just helps to keep a light mood when you have a day from hell!

Good luck!

 
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