Monday, August 10, 2009

June Cleaver Would Give Me 2 Thumbs Down....

So...I have been out of the loop for a hot minute....grandma came to visit,ruined the munchkin, and I have been trying to rehabilitate her to the way Mommy and Daddy do things.....no offense to you grandma's out there....but ya'll are like crack to a baby....ya hold 'em and hold 'em and then leave us to deal with the withdrawals....thanks ya'll....in the words of our most idiotic genius Paris Hilton - "that's hot"....

Munchkin is asleep...honey is asleep...and I...well I'm blogging....about - well, nothing...but in my nothingness I am also reminiscing on days long gone...and secretly wondering if my daughter serves as God's assurance that I will never return to my party girl days without feeling a shred of guilt....Will I ever partake in another keg stand (hahaha....this time my boobs won't suffocate me)...Do i still get to make out in parked cars until the windows get really steamy so I can finger draw inappropriate pictures on the window (didn't know stick figures could do that did you?)....and what about the shacker walk o'shame....me and my shacker SHACKED UP! My walk o'shame is from the bathroom to the bed and the shame comes into play only if we had mexican food for dinner (don't act like refried beans don't mess ya'll up too...it's like a battle of the butts in our house - hard to believe that coming from such a prima - i know...lol)........

But really...what happens now....does my life turn into June Cleaver? Am I required to wear an apron and whisper the word "sex" and sip my Chardonnay and never drink beer out of the bottle???? What about cursing?? I like to drop an F-bomb every now and again....it makes me feel good...Sometimes I like to do all of the aforementioned in the same day...I like to clean my house in booty shorts, a tiny tee and my highest heels...I figure if I have to do the damn thing I might as well be hot doing it(besides - the heels TOTALLY keep your calves engaged and gives you a killer workout...try cleaning your ceiling fan with them on - beats ANY weight thingy at the gym)...But if I do this, will my apron burst into flames...like - what if I am relaxing with a Blue Moon screaming F YOU at Rachel Ray on my television (my favorite pastime)...and then later on I say out loud to my honey - "let's go have some hot sex" (my other favorite pastime)....at that very moment what happens...does my womb seal itself up forever because I have exceeded my lifetime limit in ludicrousness and can no longer be considered a candidate for a good role model for children? Does Martha Stewart show up at my door and demand her cookware that I bought on sale at Macy's back because a potty mouth like me can not be trusted to make delicious desserts and set gorgeous tables (which I do btw - and sometimes when they don't work out right I drop an F-bomb)? Basically, what I want to know is this: Now that I am a "mommy" do I have to deny to people that I sometimes can relate more to Samantha than I can to Charlotte, that I think beer is man's best invention next to push-up bra's and NYC hot dog carts, and that every now and then I contemplate purchasing stock in Trojans (haven't started my pills yet - next cycle I swear)??

I think all of these things as I sit here and think of what to blog about...and then I hear the one thing that not only makes soda shoot out my nose, but also reassures me that no - nothing really has to change too much...the guy on tv has just put on a pair of "manties" aka "man panties"....this is the funniest thing I have heard all day. June Cleaver would frown in disdain...I revel in the hilarity of it all...my inner 20 year old lives on...so here's my new question...would it be inappropriate to partake in a "tasty beverage" while feeding the munchkin? Is that just pushing it a bit too far? Hmmmm....What would Samantha do??

7 comments:

Joy said...

I think there may have been more facets to June Cleaver than she ever let on - on screen. ;o)

Stopping by to say welcome to the SITS community!

Eva Gallant said...

I think you made orange juice come out my nose! lol Very funny post!

Have a fabulous day!

Kara said...

Visiting from SITS! Thanks for a good laugh, I needed it this morning!

Musings of the Mrs. said...

Manties. Love it! I think my dad used to wear manties back in the day (why did I just think of that...I am disgusted now, thanks). I'm sure June Cleaver snuck beer from the bottle every now and again (or ever day of her life). How else to remain chipper when your son is called the Beave?

Kelly said...

LOL! I say rock the heels, do a keg stand, have the hot sex, and eff Martha! :)

The Redhead Riter said...

Very funny. I can just imagine you doing those things and I cracked up laughing.

WhiteSockGirl said...

This was such a funny read!

I am suppose to mention y u l...

 
Creative Commons License
Hello! My Name Is Mommy by that one girl is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.