Sunday, September 6, 2009

Ease My Guilt. Hire Me.

So, did ya hear the one about that one girl that got laid off from her job when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant? Yeah, it happened. And during the worst recession in decades. Oh. You didn't hear that one? Well put your ear to your computer speakers because I'm a'tellin.

Yessiree, that's me. Jobless Joan. Sitting at home, day after day, sending out resume after resume, practically throwing myself at the feet of the Lords of Industry. They point. They laugh. Sometimes they throw in a swift kick in the ribs for good measure. And then they move on to the next poor (and I do mean poor, as in holding onto those six tuna cans in the pantry because ya never know when you'll REALLY be in a crunch)shmuck to mock. Now don't get me wrong - I fully realize the opportunity I have been given over countless other moms out there. I have been able to spend every day of my daughters life with her. I am the first thing she sees in the morning, the last thing before she goes to bed, and every second in between. *sidenote: I now wonder if the "spit up" is from the formula and gas, or if she's just sick of seein' my mug every damn second of the day. Something to ponder.* The fact that I have been able to do that is indescribable. It's priceless. I'm living moments I will never have again with her. Days I can't get back - and that's pretty awesome. But really - how awesome is it if you have to beg the electric company not to turn off your lights because you have a newborn and you're unemployed and only have one income and you're doing your BEST to make ends meet, and the man on the other end of the phone says "Well ma'am, due to the recent heatwave we won't be turning off your electricity. I can give you seven more days." How awesome is it? It's not awesome at all when you realize that the fact that you have an infant isn't enough to keep your lights on - but the weather is.

I am receiving unemployment and for that I am grateful. I have a wonderful man who not only puts up with my tears, rants, raves, and all around neuroses since I'm home all day, AND works his butt off to bring home a decent check every week, and for HIM I am grateful. I have my health (kind of) and for that I am grateful. I have my daughter and for her, well there aren't enough words to say how grateful I am for her. I still have my house, my car, my utilities, and food in the fridge - and for all these things I am so very grateful. What I don't have is a job. A J-O-B. And truth be told, I feel damn guilty about it. I know it's not my fault I got laid off....but seriously - they couldn't have picked someone else to let go? I know that's a HORRIBLE thought but who lays off a woman about to give birth?? WHO DOES THAT?? IS THERE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL/PURGATORY/MIDDLE EARTH for those people?

Anyway, as I was saying, I feel incredibly guilty for not having been able to find work yet (as if that's something I can control - remember "And Then God Laughed"?). I feel as though I have let my daughter down (though she is completely clueless to it - girl has the attention span of a gnat), my honey down (though he NEVER makes me feel bad about my situation and reminds me constantly that he loves me and he just wants me to be happy in whatever I do. I think that man should get some good lovin' tonight..that's pretty damn worthy of gettin' some), like I've let God down (but if he sees all and knows all then he planned this and HOPEFULLY has something A-MAZING lined up for me because surely he wouldn't bless me with this little girl and then hang us out to dry, right?)...basically I just kinda feel like I'm suckin' on a giant LIFE LEMON and there is no sugar to be found ANYWHERE, so makin' lemonade is a joke.

So, I put the call out to the blog world. I am a Social Worker. I am a writer. I am an Event Coordinator. I am a Community Outreach Expert. I am a wedding/party planner. I am the Public Relations QUEEN. I.AM.FOR.HIRE.


Ekanthapadhikan said...

I don't know whether me feeling sorry for you would do you any good. But I do understand the bleakness of the situation and I really appreciate your ways to stay abreast of it. Keep your fingers crossed. I'll pray for your best.


Bridgette said...

I feel your pain! I was laid off in May, and I have been begging, pleading and praying for a teaching job with nothing in sight. Hang in there. I know God has something wonderful for us!!!

SupahMommy said...

YOu will do what you have to do cause your fierce like that. If it comes down to only 1 can left and 2 days until electricity shut off- you'll grab up a job to take care of little fierce one. That's what you'll do. Everything works out... cuz you make it work out. You'll find a way until that day when you land your new career.

AB HOME Interiors said...

So sorry to hear about being a "statistic" of the blah blah blah percentage of the unemployed. My husband got laid off last October. ( two weeks before I moved into my new EXPENSIVE office) He was out of work for 7 months. Sending resume after resume after resume without even a call or email in response. He had a counter on the computer that logged the resume's sent. By the time he FINALLY got a job he had sent out 472 resumes! CRAZY! I understand how you feel and wish you all the best. Stay positive, keep your head up, and DONT feel guilty. You are not the only one and it will get better! xoxox

Debbie said...

I so hope you get something soon!
What terrible timing.
Dropped by from SITS.

Eva Gallant said...

I hope something happens good for you soon!

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